How did we get here? Well long story short through 4.5 years of trying, experiencing losses, a few drs, surgery, 3 rounds of Clomid and a lot of complications lead us to a recommendation to a Fertility clinic.

Why did we hold off on coming here? Misinformation on the process of what your insurance will cover, mostly. One thing during all of this I've learned and you will too is that you have to know your insurance plan forwards and backwards. Thankfully I have an amazing friend who works in insurance who has helped me understand my plan and before our initial appointment helped me check with CPT codes what was covered.

Really you have to. Without getting into it too severely, basically some insurance companies and people for that matter view infertility as a choice. (You don't NEED a baby to live so getting pregnant is deemed a privilege and not a right) There for there are aspects your insurance may not cover and with the consultation alone costing $466, that is something you'll need to consider.

My body doesn't do what a woman's body should. There I said it. The almost sole biological reason women exist, our body's main job... and my body just can't seem to get and or stay pregnant. It's devastating, humiliating and maddening.  We'll cover self-loathing in some other post. 

For now we'll cover our first day with our fertility clinic:

I have to giggle because the clinic is in this almost secret passage away from the other hospital and clinic areas. However as soon as the elevator brings us up we're greeted by possibly the nicest receptionist and this makes a world of difference. 

It's quiet and devoid of children (no pun intended) on our welcome letter, it specifically asked me not bring any children in the clinic if at all possible. Seeing that our children have four legs and a tail it wasn't difficult, however to not have to see a woman screaming at her 4 children, pregnant with her 5th was refreshing. This certainly did not feel like my OBs office.

Because my OBs office is in the same building all my previous tests and procedures are already in the system and it saves me from filling out the 5 page packet. Infertility (as I understand with pregnancy) will leave you devoid of extreme modesty, once you've gotten to the clinic point you will have shared every hairy detail of your journey with more drs and nurses than one person should ever encounter and you'll almost be able to recite it verbatim, almost.

We sit in the waiting room and it's almost surreal, what twenty-five year old ends up here, I thought this only happened to other people? It's empty at first until we see an older couple in their forties and I think, that's who goes through this, older people.

No. Age while being a contributing factor to complications in conceiving does not determine whether or not you'll have complications. There are lots of twenty-somethings in the same boat... However no one really says that when you're young and trying to conceive that you might have a lot of complications. No one tells you any of this because infertility is still so taboo to talk about. It's something you hear that only affects other people and when you hear stories, you thank God it's not you and move on. This is something Id like to in my life time, and with these entries like to see change. There are probably a lot of people in your life that have dealt with it but no one talks about it. Likes this huge ugly secret that you're not allowed to admit to. Fuck that. I refuse to be ashamed of something I have no control in and that I'm working on. Nor should anyone. 

A lovely nurse calls us in a conference room where she goes over all of our history. As she reads off losses, procedures and tests I almost feel sick. I hate having to look at all that's against us and all the ways we've tried that haven't worked.

Then our doctor comes in, looks through our charts and is enthusiastic in his thick accent about the possibilities. He has the MY chart, right? Then he says he's almost certain that I've been misdiagnosed and we're doing this whole panel of tests.  I'll trade sunny optimism for lots of uncomfortable testing. I'd do anything at this point to conceive successfully so sure why not sign me up! 

First up various blood work, glucose test and ultrasound for me. Semen analysis for hubby. 

I have to giggle, up to this point his role has been strictly supportive. So the look on his face as the doctor explained his testing was priceless.

Jerking off for science, any 15 year old boy would be ecstatic. Time to channel your inner 15 year old boy, I offered to knock on the door and ask him if he was okay in there to really liven up the experience. He just smirked.

At the start of all this my OB had to all but pry my knees apart I was mortified at the idea. Now I've had so many tests and procedures... You want to bring the entire 3rd floor in here plus med-students? Sure why not. 

Lastly before we leave with more optimism than I've felt in months, the finance department comes in to cover costs. While it may seem insensitive I'm grateful that had I not had the forethought to look into this before. We come to find out they went over our insurance plan coverage for us. 

All in all pretty painless, we will however see what these next upcoming appointment bring :)