First cycle with Letrozol.
This has been a cycle of awesome positives. My thyroid is a million times better and the Metformin seems to be doing its thing as well. I even ovulated!
Nope. Not Pregnant. Please even if you mean well. DO NOT ASK ME IF I AM PREGNANT.
This was actually a really hard cycle because I’m on so many new medications and we had so many positive labs and signs. I don’t usually bank on signs but I did this month and after many, many negative pee-sticks you’d think I’d be almost caviler about it. I wasn’t, this time I bawled my eyes out on and off the whole day. I didn’t leave the house, I ate junk I shouldn’t have and I cried until my eyes hurt.
I had made it a rule to not buy any baby things until we were in our second trimester because we have never gotten to that point. However both my husband and I caved, he bought me a beautiful Coach diaper bag. We had joked for years that because it had taken us so long I was going to get a Coach diaper bag because I deserved it. I got it and as soon as he handed it to me I felt guilty. I hadn’t earned this yet, what if this cycle didn’t work and we’d have this really expensive bag that was useless. How could I go in my closet and look at it each day knowing I have no one to fill it for.
Then we got a call from our clinic that I finally ovulated and we were ecstatic! It was almost as good as seeing that second pink line, all the days I had spent absolutely sick now seemed totally worth it. We almost told our families, but I wanted to wait because I hated the idea of having to then tell them, "No, sorry not this time." I however broke my own rules and got attached to the idea that this was finally the cycle. I bought a few onesies and things, I got attached and I never let myself do that, I honestly now feel kind of silly for doing so.
What has this cycle been like? I’ve been sick, morning noon or night, sick. I want to eat the things I want and I can’t, I was to go out and do what ever I want and I can’t. I have to be extra mindful of what I eat because on my new meds I have trouble keeping things down. The upside is I’m less of a crazy bitch on Letrozole than I was on Clomid, the side effects are not any where near as bad. However the Metformin makes up for this by making me indescribably sick.
We’re looking at the possibility of injectables and trigger shots this next cycle. Nothing says I love you quite like shooting your wife in the ass with an inch and a half needle every day. It will be okay, I’ll wake up in a few days and be less resentful and emotional, for now I’m being honest in writing this as I promised myself I would be. I am hurt, I don’t know why my body doesn’t do what its supposed to and its not for lack of trying.
On the plus side, its been beautiful out this week, we’ve made leaps and bounds improvements in my body and hormone levels. I have a phenomenal support system and I haven’t hurt anyone yet.
So back to the lab for invasive needles and probes and we’re back to square one. Which is further than we’ve ever been and I know God has a plan for us. Its not If there will be a baby Wilson, its when there will be a baby Wilson & baby Wilson already has a bad ass Coach bag thanks to future-dad Wilson.
Thank you Mr. Wilson for being the most supportive and sensitive future-dad ever. Going through this makes me see how much you love me and how much I love you and how something that would ruin most marriages has made ours stronger. Plus you’re cute and that helps.
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